Dirty Tricks
by Mindy35
Summary: Jack/Liz. Post-ep. Jack performs his best magic trick on Liz.


Title: Dirty Tricks

Author: Mindy

Rating: K+, not entirely innocent

Disclaimer: Tina's etc. No money made.

Spoilers: minor, "Live Show"

Pairing: Jack/Liz only

Summary: Jack performs his best magic trick on Liz.

-x-

Jack fanned the cards and told her to pick one. "Now don't be fooled by the conventional beginning," he told her, his tone excited. "This is truly my ultimate achievement in sleight-of-hand. It combines skill, misdirection and a little of my own personal flair."

"I am ready to be impressed," Liz told him, holding her card close to her chest.

"Memorized it?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Okay. Put it back," he said, offering the deck again and watching her slide the card back in.

He proceeded to shuffle the deck, fanning it to the left and the right, letting the cards cascade from one hand to the other, all whilst humming a loopy little tune. Liz smiled as she watched, both entertained and a bit bemused by his eager display of showmanship. After a minute, Jack finished his song then leaned in toward her. He raised a hand, flicked his wrist and pulled a card out from behind her ear.

"Is _this_ your card?"

Liz looked at it. "No."

"Oh." Jack frowned, held up a finger, then pulled another card from behind her other ear. "Is _this_ your card?"

Liz shook her head. "Um…no."

He put both cards back in the deck and shuffled it once more, concentrating hard. "Just let me, ah…" He lent closer again, curling an arm about her waist and drawing from the back pocket of her jeans one more card. He showed it to her, eyebrows raised in expectation. "Would _this_ be it?"

She winced ruefully. "Uh-uh. Nope."

"Okay, bare with me. One last time…" This time, after waving some fingers at her in a conjuring motion, Jack slowly drew a card out of the front pocket of her jeans. He held it up for her. "Is this it, Lemon?"

She let out a sigh. "You know, I kinda have work to do, Jack, as fun as this is."

"Right, of course. But-" he dug his hand into the breast pocket of his jacket, "to do it, won't you need…wait, won't you need…" he dug a bit longer, finally pulling his hand out with a triumphant flourish, "your _underwear_?"

Liz gasped. First in surprise and delight. Then in disgust and horror. "Gimme those!" she muttered, snatching back the cotton panties he held aloft. "How did you- no, don't even tell me, I don't want to know."

"Good," he murmured smugly. "Because I wouldn't tell you anyway. A good magician never reveals his secrets."

"No," she humphed, "you just revealed mine."

"Lemon, it's hardly a huge secret that you wear plain cotton panties. Might I remind you that in White Haven your bags were delivered to my room and-"

"Aaaalright!" She waved a hand, cutting him off. "If you're done with the sleight-of-hand stuff-"

"Also," Jack went on, altogether oblivious, "I know you far too well and have far too much experience with women not too be able to hazard a guess-"

"I said alright!" she snapped, brows scrunched. She ran a protective hand over the front of her jeans. "Where'd you learn a trick like that anyway? Have you graduated to the Adults Handbook of Sex-Trickery?"

"I found it on the internet," he answered simply. "Not drinking leaves me with a lot of free time. This is how I fill it."

"Oh brother." Liz rolled her eyes, turning and heading for the door.

Jack took a few quick steps after her, opened the door then guided her out. Liz left, shooting him a mildly pissed glare. A moment later though, she returned, fists bunched, one round her panties, and a livid look on her face. She asked him bluntly:

"Do you have my _bra_?"

The edges of his mouth lifted. Jack drew a hand from his pocket, nice and slow. "Would _this_…be it?" he asked, the flimsy strip dangling tauntingly from his fingertips.

Liz marched towards him, snatched the bra back then waved it in his face. "Never again, Jack. You are never doing magic on me _ever_ again. You hear me?"

Jack's smile started to grow but Liz didn't stick round to see it. She marched out again, clutching her poor unsupported boobs as she did. She was at the elevator, mumbling to herself under her breath before she noticed that there was something pinned inside her embezzled bra. It was the Jack of Hearts.

Her card.

_END. _


End file.
